Mermaid Lona Starfish
Glendale, CA USA
Giddy-up all you guppies!
You may have heard that there’s a pretty fishy woman who has been seen swimming in these here parts… Lona Starfish be her name.
Well Miss. Lona, she’s a real fine catch, catch of the day a cowpoke might say, for her hair is as golden as an oat field in the summer and her smile is as bright as a Texas star. So this here lady, well she be a lady on the top but the bottom half of her be a fish! Some folks call her a “mermaid”… I just think she be confused… but there you are… so anyhow, this “mer-maid” well she isn’t one of your pampered posies or silly skirts that have to sit around and gossip all day, oh no, Lona Starfish, well she’s an adventurous one and her favorite thing to do is to compete in the Lone Star State Siren Stampede!
You might have heard of that summer siren soiree… with all of its barnacle bustin’, crawfish cutting, and sheepshead fish sorting…. It’s quite the shindig! But did you hear about this year’s grand finale? Well that was the great catfish rodeo! And boy, was that rodeo one of the grandest guppy get-togethers you ever did see.
All of the best mermaids and mermen were so sure, hook, line, and sinker, that they’d win the grand prize that they all swam out to the Rio Grande to throw in their lines to the ring. There was Scaley Slim, Porticia Pufferfish, and even Tombstone Troutley and they all did well, but when the last catfish was brought out, they all fainted right away in their fins because it was the meanest, slimiest, biggest, grossest catfish that you ever did see! So Miss. Lona, well neither two-year old tantrums nor big mean monster catfish scare her, so she settled her shells and took up the reins of that fat fishes’ whiskers and hung on like a hermit crab as it started bucking with all of its might!
You should have seen it - that darned catfish kept a splishing and a splashing, and Miss Lona kept on a hooting and a hollering, and the two of them kept fighting it out for three whole days until finally one big THWACK of that slimy river dweller’s tail launched that mermaid right out of the river and all the way out to the Golden State where SPLASH she landed right off of the shell-ebrity shores of Southern California. I dare say her stellar splash landing scared the locals right off of their surfboards and caused quite the commotion as its resulting waves surged all the way over to the local islands.
What happened next was a bit serendipitous, for Lona Starfish was mighty far from her home, and didn’t know anybody out there, but you see one of those giant waves, well it made land on that island and absolutely drenched another mermaid named Catalina who was having a nice little beach brunch of sea salt chocolates and sandwiches. The drenchin’ would have been fine considering Miss. Catalina is a half fish too, but that wave washed away all of the chocolates and, well, you never want to separate a woman – even a half fish woman – from chocolates, so she high-tailed it right after them and ended up smack dab next to Lona Starfish. Being the hospitable sort, it all worked out in the end. Catalina Mermaid listened to Lona’s "Tall Tail" and offered her a chance to stay with the rest of the Sheroes pod and learn what the Hollywood stars are all about.
Please note that Mermaid Lona is currently appearing in blue and white.
- American Red Cross Lifeguard
- American Red Cross Adult First Aid, CPR, and AED
- American Red Cross Child and Infant First Aid, CPR, and AED
- USA Archery Level 1 Instructor
Additional Skills & Education
- Adaptive Education & Special Needs Awareness (Teacher's Aid)
- Pre-K Developmental Skills
Watch Mermaid Lona Swim
Click on an image below to view a larger size
Images courtesy of John Paulsen